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叱る | ひろみのみ

ひろみのみ

IT業界で働く人のためのサイトです。ITエンジニアのキャリア、転職、資格、スキルなど

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叱る

   

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管理職の悩みの1つに、

  • 「部下を叱れない」
  • 「叱り方がわからない」

と、いう悩みがあります。

話を伺っていると、その理由には大きく2つのものがあるようです。

自分が若い頃に厳しい上司の下で苦労をしたので、部下には同じ事を経験させたくないというのが、1つ。

もう1つは、叱ると若い人は会社を辞めたり、モチベーションが下がったりしてしまいそうで、怖くてしかれない、というものです。

その一方で、自分の悪い所や、過ちは指摘して欲しいという、部下側のニーズもあります。

今回は、上手な叱り方について考えてみたいと思います。

叱るための条件

親が子を叱る、上司が部下を叱る、先生が生徒を叱る…
  
叱られた側が、それを受け止めるためには、いったい何が必要なのでしょうか?

私はこう考えます。

先ず、信頼関係。
子が親を、部下が上司を、生徒が先生を信頼していること。

次に、その人の為に、その人のことを思って叱ること。

この2点が大切なポイントだと思います。 

コーチングでは、こんな説明をすることもあります。
「怒る」は自分の為、自分の感情を相手にぶつけること、
「叱る」は相手の為、相手のことを思い、あえて厳しいことを伝えること、
と。

もしも…
信頼関係が無い人から、その人の感情をぶつけられたら…とてもじゃないけれど、話を聞く気にさえなれませんよね。

達人の叱り方

松下電器に職工として入社、その後、三洋電機の設立に参画、副社長にまでなった、後藤さんの著書に『叱り叱られの記』という本があります。
  
その中で、後藤さんは松下幸之助さんの叱り方のすさまじさを書かれています。
人前もかまわず、こてんぱんに怒鳴られ、説教される。そのあまりに激しい叱り方に、後藤さんは貧血を起こして倒れてしまったそうです。

叱られた次の朝、事務所の電話のベルが鳴り、受話器をとると、
それは、松下さんからでした。
  
「あっ、後藤君か、別に用はないねん。気持ようやってるか。そうか。そりゃ結構や。」
と、すぐに電話を切ってしまう。
  
この一言を聞いて、後藤さんは叱られたモヤモヤがふっとんでしまったと言います。

個人的には、人前で叱るやり方は、どうかと思いますが、松下さんと後藤さんの間に強い信頼関係があり、松下さんが後藤さんにそれだけ期待をかけていたことが伝わっていたらこそのエピソードだと思います。  

その後の、フォローの一言も、松下さんのお人柄が表れているような一言ですね。(^-^)

注意をするべきこと

「叱る」場合に注意をしたいことを考えてみましょう。
  
(1)人前では叱らない、1対1で叱る
  
自分が叱られている姿を、他人に見せたくないと思う気持は自然なことです。プライドを傷つけないためにも、1対1で叱ることが大切です。  
  
(2)人格を否定しない

「本当にどうしようもやつだな」
「何度言ってもわからないなんて、バカなんじゃないか?」

こんな言葉を投げかけられたら、むかっとしてしまいますよね。

人格ではなく、事象を叱るようにしましょう。

(3)アフターフォローをしっかりと

前述の松下幸之助さんのように、叱ったあとにフォローをすることが大切です。

どんなに上手に叱ったとしても、叱られた方は、もやもやした気持を持ってしまいます。

それを、払拭し後に引きづらない為にも、叱った方から声をかける。    そんなちょっとした気遣いができる人が、本当の叱り方上手なのかもしれませんね。(^-^)
 
  

実践!!

次のことを実践してみましょう!!

  1. 今まで自分の経験を振返って、どんな叱られ方をすると嫌だったのか、逆に、有り難かったのか、紙に書き出してみましょう。頭の中で考えるだけではなく、アウトプットすることが大切です。 

あなたは、どんな経験をされてきたのでしょうか?
ちょっと興味があります。
  
私を叱ってくれた人といえば、真っ先に思い出すのは、やはり、私の両親です。

正直を言ってしまえば…
残念ながら、両親の叱り方は決して上手ではなかったと思います。
  
「だからあなたはダメなのよ」

と、いった人格否定、よくされました。(^-^;;  
  
当然、ほぼ100%、反発していました。

でも、振返ってみれば、誰よりも私のことを心配して、私に期待していてくれたのは両親なんですよね。今は、そのことをとても有り難いと思っています。

きっと、あなたのご両親も同じですよね。

そうやって考えてみると…
叱り方のテクニックは、わかっていれば便利なのですが、それ以前に、その人を思う気持が何よりも大切なんだと思います。

叱られて、それが有り難いと思えるということは、自分のことを思う気持が伝わってきたときなのかもしれないですね。

 

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